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Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Jerry Sandusky, Roger Clemens, Pete Rose, and Tonya Harding


What do the 4 "athletes" above have in common? Bad behavior!

Since the early-80s and my time in college, I have felt that college athletics have taken too large a chunk of many schools' budgets. I realize that some schools reap a profit from athletics, too. But college is supposed to be about academics, not sports. There's nothing wrong with having football or any other sport at colleges and universities, but sports should never be the focus of the school, as it so often is. 

Here in the South, football is a way of life for many. It seems that most associate a university's name solely with the sport and if asked about its academic programs, one gets a blank stare, as if you'd asked God's middle name or the Speaker of the House of their state legislature. Total...vacuum.

In high schools here in the South, it's not at all unusual for a coach to pick up the phone on Monday morning and get a star athlete out of trouble with the law. These are going to be Captains of Industry, not jail fodder. That's what poor people who can't afford to play football are for. So they get poor-but-pretty cheerleaders knocked up. Well, you know, wink wink, boys will be boys...

I see these guys in executive positions in companies whose staffs are filled with people imminently more qualified to fill the Athlete's shoes than the former sports star ever will be. I've worked for these Athletes. They make great parrots, regurgitating any information given them (and given them, and given them, and...), but haven't had an original idea, or at least one they haven't stolen from their staff, since they came to the company. Trophy hires. So they get the poor-but-pretty clerk knocked up. Well, you know, wink wink, boys will be boys. But let's keep this quiet from his wife...OK? We'll just keep that between the two of us and I'll owe you one. But, of course, if you should ever try to cash that chip in, you'll get your ass fired so fast you'll think the building exploded.

Because there are two tiers of civilization in Football, USA. There are Athletes, and then there is Everyone Else. Those Athletes have important contributions to (steal and pretend to) make that will benefit (the wealthy guy who owns the company). They'll play golf on Wednesday afternoons (and the good Prosperity Christian boss told me to lie and say they're with another client) and leave early on Fridays...if they show up at all...in order to get out on the boat a little early. Gotta have that tan in order to make the new suit look good and, really, isn't it all about looks, anyway? 

Of course, there are also the Little Folk, aka Everyone Else. Mr Athlete gets pulled over for 85 in a school zone, well...wink wink...Have fun out on the links! Mr Little Folk does 57 in a 55 and gets a ticket, a fine, points on his license, and maybe traffic school. And that's how it SHOULD be because God Wills It. Yep, God's a Prosperity Christian, too. Pretty sure! I mean, he gave us the win on Saturday and that always makes everyone a little more...shall we say 'tithe-ful'...on Sunday. And by "everyone" I mean the Little Folk. Because Mr Athlete gets a pass on anything extra in the collection plate until such time that it can be made into a Big Deal...and then the local paper will be there to write up a fine article about how Mr Athlete dug deep (a whole extra .01% of his salary, dontcha know!) and there were photos taken, and of course, it was announced that the new annex will be named after him. Yeah yeah yeah, don't go on about all the extra money the Little Folk have put in the plate all these years before this...I mean...hell, they're not important anyway...right? 

Besides, Mr Athlete needs the spotlight to shine a little less on his personal life right now what with all those unpleasantries being said about the kids popping up that bear a striking resemblance to him...but not his wife.
So, yeah. Damn right! It's sports for me, buddy. You take your faggy smart self back to your cubicle...but leave that proposal here with me. I'll take care of that, don't you worry your poor noggin one lil bit. Wink wink!